Bittersweet

Today I had a check up with my doctor. I have been dreading my appointment all weekend. Today at 9am Art and I were suppose to hear a heartbeat. I was crying last night as I went to bed. I was so sad because I feel like life can be so unfair at times.

I arrived at the doctors office and the nurse called me back. She was so sweet!!!! She asked me how I was doing, was so caring and concerned. We were talking about Thanksgiving etc. She said her whole family came over and her niece just had a baby. She said my niece had a miscarriage and 3 months later found out she was pregnant. Now her niece has a beautiful little boy. She told me a couple other funny family stories and I was cracking up at her.

The doctor came in and was just so incredibly caring! He sat and talked with me. Check to make sure I was doing ok physically and emotionally. He reminded me a few times it's ok to feel sad. He said you have been through a lot physically and emotionally. He talked to me how this is how things should happen with nature. If things aren't right nature will take care of things. Just the way he talked to me was so touching!

I honestly wasn't sure about him the first time I met him. I almost changed doctors. I am so glad I didn't. Him and his nurse are just the best! I felt I was able to get through the appointment with a positive outlook.

Good news is I lost 5 pounds since I was there on November 19. Wooo hooooo....now I just need to lose 3 more and I am down 10 pounds since October 19.

Happy Birthday to Me!

I am officially 29 on the 29th. Today has been a wonderful day. Art got up and made me french toast for breakfast. It was seriously some of the BEST french toast ever! Around 12:30 we went over to his parents for pizza, cake and presents.

When Art turned 40 I bought him stuff he would need for his elderly age. Well today he informed me I am getting old, so he wrapped up some of the same items. Epsom salt, pill dispenser, denture cleaner, mouse traps to trim my toe nails, paint brush to put on my make up and some old mirrors I had put in the trash. All these items were in a box. I kept looking for a gift hidden in the box. There was not gift.

The next box I opened I wasn't expecting much. There was a little blue bag with a diamond necklace!!!!! Whooooo hooooooo!!!! It's sooo beautiful! I have to get a new chain for it because the chain that came with it is to short.

Art's parents gave me money and Amber bought me a cd. I received my gifts from my parents last week. My parents sent me some clothes, gift cards and various other things. Lacey sent me a cd, meat hammer (I requested the meat hammer) and I don't remember what else was in the box. Elderly age is setting in!

It was a great day! Now I am just going to relax!

Christmas List

Here are a few items for my Christmas list.

1. Houndstooth Bag - Target

I had the above bag in my cart tonight at Target. I took it out when I found 2 shirts I wanted to buy with my gift card. I couldn't justify buying 2 shirts and a new bag. I LOVE this bag! It would be sooo cute to carry to work!

2. Brown Riding Boots - Avenue

I went and tried these boots on today. They looked super cute! I took Art with me to see where the store was and what size to buy.

3. Itunes gift card - I need some new music for my ipod. I listen to my ipod to and from work every day.

4. Black Sweater - Lands End

5. Bath & Body Works shower gel - Sweat Pea, Coconut Lime Verbena and Cucumber Melon

6. Julie & Julia Book

7. Microfiber blanket - brown

8. Rachael Ray - orange ladle & spoon

I even made a Stocking list. lol

1. shaver - I use Art's shaver and he gets so mad. He says it dulls the blades. I told him for Christmas he could get me one like his for my stocking. He has the mach 3. I couldn't find them at the store. He claims he found the "girl" version. I would be perfectly happy with the "boy" version. That thing works so great!

2. Paul Mitchell Strength shampoo & conditioner - LOVE this stuff!

I think for stockings this year I am going to buy practical things instead of little knick knacks. I am trying to stop buying gifts that people won't use. My list of items above are all practical and I will use every single item. :)

Surprise

Last night Art took me to the first hotel we ever stayed at. It was so sweet! We went out to eat and watched a movie in our room. How romantic is my husband. :)

And we're off

Art is taking me some place for the night....I have no idea where. SO EXCITED!!!! He said pack a bag.

Tomorrow we are coming home to put up our tree. =)

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!! I am so very thankful for my wonderful husband!

This morning we slept in and then I went to the couch to watch the Macy's Day Parade. It didn't hold my attention for very long. I was up making food to take to my IL's. We spent Thanksgiving with Art's parents. I feel like the stuffed turkey!!! It was so yummy!

This is the second Thanksgiving that I have been away from my sister. So sad! My side of the family was all split up this year. Billy called me earlier today. He asked what time we were eating today. I told him 2pm. He said who came up with eating at 2pm? What's wrong with eating at noon? Ummm I am not sure. I asked him what time they were eating....he replied 2pm. LOL No wonder he isn't happy about the 2pm start time.

Tomorrow the Christmas decorating begins! I am soooo excited!

My Great Husband!

Here is my husband who has been taking care of me for 2 days. He has gotten up with me in the middle of the night, brought me drinks, ran to the store, whatever I have needed he has been right there. What a great husband I have!

Family Pictures

We had family pictures taken last Sunday. These are the 2 that I like.

Excitement & Saddness

The past month has been filled with excitement and saddness. On October 27 I took a pregnancy test and it was positive!!! We were soooo excited! Our first appointment was on November 6. I had calculated everything and knew I should be 4-5 weeks at this point. At the dr appoinment the dr could only find a small sack about 1 cm. I felt in my gut at this point something wasn't right. The dr told us I wasn't as far along as I thought I was and he felt everything was on track.

On October 28 my Beta count was 808, November 6 Beta 8,000 and November 8 Beta 10,000. I was concerned because the number didn't double within 48 hours. The dr said to come back on Nov 30 and we should hear a heartbeat.

On November 19 I was at work. I went to the bathroom and noticed I was bleeding. I called the advice nurse, she set up a time for the dr to call me within 30 minutes. The dr called and said for me to come in at 1:30pm. I called Art at work crying because I knew I was in the process of a miscarriage. He said he would meet me at the house at 1pm and we could drive together. I left work and headed home.

We met with the dr for an ultrasound. The dr could only find an empty sack. My heart was so heavy! I had been so excited because finally my dream to be a mom was coming true. We had told our parents, Billy & Mandy, Lacey and Amber we were having a baby. Everyone was sooo excited. I knew these phone calls were going to be so hard. The grandma's were just bouncing off the walls with excitement. My poor mom and mother in law have taken this loss the hardest! I feel so bad for them.

We met with the dr in her office. She gave us 3 options on how to handle the miscarriage.
1. let nature take it's course and pass everything naturally
2. take some pills to pass everything within 24 hours
or
3. D&C

My first option was a D&C. They couldn't get me in until Tuesday. I really wanted this all to be over by Monday. I wanted to start the week fresh and enjoy our holiday weekend. I opted to take the pills. The dr explained that I would insert a few pills vaginally and in 24 hours everything should pass. She said you will experience some pain, so I am giving you vicaden and motrin 800. I asked her if I would even be awake to feel anything. She said if the pain gets too bad then you need to take another vicaden.

Last night at 9:30 I took the vicaden and motrin. At around 10pm I inserted the other pills. Midnight I woke up and felt like a mack truck had run over me! I have some pretty horrendous cramps from my monthly visitor, but this was about 10 times worse. It felt like someone was ripping my insides out. I hadn't ever experienced a pain like this! I took another vicaden to help with the pain. Shortly after I started throwing up. I threw up every hour until 7am. Nothing was taking the pain away. I couldn't sleep, lay down, stand up, nothing. The heating pad didn't help, took a bath nothing.

At around 4am I was able to doze off for a little while. Art had brought me a half of a motrin. That seemed to get the pain to subside a tiny bit. 7am I woke up grabbed the bucket and headed to the bathroom. That is when everything passed and my vomiting stopped. From 7am-9am I was able to sleep a little, but the pain was still horrendous. I was at the point of telling Art to take me to the hospital to get an IV with pain medication.

At 9am the last of everything passed and the pain went down to a dull cramping. Needless to say in 12 hours I went to hell and back. I can't believe that giving birth is more pain than what I experienced. I would NEVER recommend anyone to take the pills over a D&C.

It's over thank God!!!!! I am still taking some motrin, so I am a little drugged writing this blog. I have handled everything very well emotionally. I had prayed numerous times that if something was wrong that God would take the baby now and give me strength. Everything happens for a reason.

I have a wonderful husband who stood beside! He is my rock! I am not sure I could have done this without him. Hopefully 2010 will bring us another BFP!!!!

Countdown!

There are 12 days until my birthday and 38 days until Christmas. Let the festivities begin!!!!!

Smile!

On my way to work each morning there is a little old homeless man standing in the same place every day with the biggest smile on his face. Everyone morning we greet each other with Good Morning. On my way home he is in the same place again with a big smile. We say good night. This man always looks so happy. One day he had on a hoodie sweatshirt with a bunch of bling. He looked so proud of his new hoodie. It made me laugh.

Someone gave him a banana one morning and he was soooo happy! This morning I was thinking we all need to be more like him. Smile and greet people. I can have 100 things on my mind walking to work, but I always smile after I see him. If he can be happy and homeless I should be able to be happy.