32

Over the past year and a half I have transformed myself hoping one of the many things I've changed would help me stay pregnant. Here are just a few of the things I've changed.

- lost 80 pounds
- started exercising
- change how I eat
- gave up coffee
- gave up soda
- stopped taking over the counter medications
- started taking vitamins
- stopped dying my hair
- limited the amount of tea/caffeine I drink
- stopped getting flu shots
- try to limit my sugar intake

I have completely changed my though process on what's healthy, what we eat, why I exercise. While the list above might prolong my life and has made me a lot healthier it hasn't helped me stay pregnant. Instead I suffer one miscarriage after another.

The other night I thought maybe giving up sugar will be the final trick. That day I went & got a flu shot. Three days later I drank a soda and thought about drinking coffee. I have done absolutely every single possible thing I could do to stat pregnant and it hadn't worked. I'm not sure why God isn't sick of hearing from me and hasn't just given in. I keep asking him to show me what lesson I need to learn through all this, but I am not sure I know yet. If it is patience well that is a work in progress from the most impatient person!

Going forward I'm going to work on staying balanced, healthy, moderation & find a new goal in life. My goal for the past 3.5 years has been to be a mom. I don't know if that will ever be a reality. Instead I'm going to focus on finding a new goal in life. Finish college and being thankful for the I have been given.
I tried to convince Art to sell the house & become traveling Gypsies, but he isn't going for it. I wrote this blog post a couple weeks ago. When I wrote it I wrote how I didn't know what my new goals in life would be or what I wanted to do when I grow up. Well I have set some goals for 2013, but I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

How in the world can I be 32 already?  When I turned 30 I asked my dad how he felt having such an elderly child?  He just laughed. I told my mom it was just last year she turned 30 how in the world could I be 30?  I am proud of myself for maintaining my weight loss over the past year. I sure look a lot better at 32 than I did at 30. lol

I hope 32 teaches me to be more thankful for all the wonderful people and things I do have in my life. To focus on the right now instead of the future or the what might be.

To another year of life.....