Miscarriages & PTSD

I have been thinking about writing a post on how PTSD is real for someone who has gone through numerous miscarriages. I have so many thoughts roaming around in my head on this topic. Miscarriages are so much more common than people talk about these days. I am not sure why it is kept quiet. If people feel shame, they don't want to talk about the heart break or what the reason actually is, but I feel it's something we should talk about more. 

I have been pregnant a lot!  I have 1 miracle little boy that I cherish so much! His entire pregnancy I didn't feel I could really relax. I didn't love being pregnant at all. I did love feeling him kicking inside me. Once I could start feeling his kicks it helped me relax just a little bit. He would kick a lot if I ate steak. There were times I would eat steak just to feel the ninja party inside! I just felt I wouldn't ever be able to relax until he was born. Once he was out it was such a relief! I remember when they laid him on my chest the relief I felt. Hearing his little cry was so sweet! 

I have gone through numerous miscarriages. More than you can count on 2 hands.  They were soooo difficult! Every time I would get pregnant there was hope that things would be ok. This time things would be different. This one would make it! And numerous times I was met with such heart break. That hope you get when you see a positive pregnancy test, but then the fear that set in after you have been through a miscarriage. You are excited, but it doesn't ever last. It's hard to stay excited when you have faced heart break over and over. You don't share with people you are pregnant because you don't want to hear their comments. You have to protect yourself from stupid people's comments. 

People have no idea how to respond to a miscarriage most of the time. Here are some things you can say to someone when they lose a baby:

• I am sorry for your loss.

• I am sorry you have to go through this. 

• You are in my thoughts and prayers. 

• Can I bring you dinner or a coffee? Or just bring them a meal! Sometimes people don't want to put you out, but if you show up at their door with a meal they won't refuse it. 

• I can't imagine what you are going through, but I am here for you. OR I know what you are going through and I am here if you need to talk. 

Things you should NEVER say to someone:

• Have you thought about adopting?

• Something must have been wrong with the baby, so God decided to take it. 

• Maybe God feels the earth has enough people, so we need to stop populating it.

• You shouldn't try to have anymore babies.

• You need to relax and not stress about being pregnant or a miscarriage. 

• It's better to have lost it now than after it's born. 

I have had people say those lovely NEVER statements above to me. WTF! I am not going to even go into the nasty thing I have wanted to say to people. People are stupid! 

For someone who has gone through numerous miscarriage once you get pregnant every trip to the bathroom is scary. You worry you might see blood this time. Prior miscarriages go through your mind often. I went through 7 miscarriages in one of my offices. One was really bad. I stood up from my desk not even knowing I was pregnant and all of a sudden there was a gush of blood on the floor. Those memories don't just go away the next time you get pregnant. Instead those memories haunt you. You worry this time could that happen again!

Being pregnant after a miscarriage is such a scary thing! My heart goes out to all of you who have experienced a miscarriage. I also understand the scariness of trying to have a baby after experiencing a miscarriage.