Motherhood!

A little over a year ago my friend Chelsea asked if I would take some pictures with G for a mother's day promotion she was doing. Free pictures...of course I will do it! I was 5 months pregnant at the time with Cash. She wanted me to wear white or light colors. What you don't see in these pictures are the numerous dresses I ordered and outfits I tried. I ended up just using stuff I had. I used a belly band to wear my regular white pants. I never imagined how much I would cherish and how special these pictures would end up being to me. 

These pictures are some of my very favorite pictures of G and me! When I see them I just smile even a year later. They were laid back, we had fun in the flowers. At one point G wasn't sure he wanted to take anymore pictures, so we just started goofing around. 

These pictures are motherhood to me! When I look at them this is how I feel about being a mom. I struggled for so long to just become a mom, then it happened and the amount of love you can have for one person is crazy. I didn't worry if I could love a second child. I knew that love would come. It's amazing the type of love you have for your first and then a whole different type of love comes for your second. Your heart grows again with each child. You develop different types of love for each of them. 

I spent 6 years struggling to have a baby. It was a loooong 6 years! It was exciting, but scary when I would get pregnant. Excited that maybe this was the time, but terrified I would see blood. Even when I was pregnant with G I felt this one was going to make it, but I still worried in the back of my mind a lot. It took us awhile to decide on a second child. I didn't expect to deal with loss again. I had 2 miscarriages after G. I was told G was a miracle and I would most likely never have another child. That was heartbreaking to me. I spent almost a month mourning the loss and the fact I wouldn't have another baby. I felt like cancer once again was robbing me. Then I got pregnant....I didn't tell Art for a few days. I cried when I saw that positive test because I had just went through a miscarriage and I was told I would just keep having them. I wasn't sure I could handle it emotionally or physically. 

Weeks went by and nothing was happening. I finally went to the doctor and there was this amazing little flutter on the screen. My miracle little Cashy! It shouldn't surprise me that my boys are so strong willed because they have been fighters from the start. 

Motherhood is this dance in life where you are trying to balance so many things. All moms are working moms. The majority of moms keep their families running. Our world would not be running without the women juggling!

What actually is Grace?

I feel this year I have been learning the actual meaning of grace in my life and what the Bible actually teaches. I feel mans teaching has been so wrong over the years. I went to see Jen Hatmaker in February. She talked about the Good Samaritan helping the certain man in Luke 10. One thing that really got to me was how the Bible talked about this certain man. In the Bible it doesn't talk at ALL about what this man had done. It doesn't mention if he was homeless, drug addict, a great man, provoked the thieves etc. It just talks about the people who didn't help him and the one man who did. WOW! To me that was so powerful. There are so many times we don't help people because we don't think they deserve to be helped. I don't think that is what God wants from us. To make a judgment or determination who needs to be helped. Well I helped them one time, they screwed up and they don't deserve to be helped again. Think if God treated us that way? 

God is gracious and loves to give us good gifts. We do not have to strive in life for anything. We do not have to be good enough or do the right thing in order for God to give us grace, the desires of our heart or to be there for us. His grace is undeserving, unwarranted and something we can't earn. His grace is freely given to us. So often I was taught the reasons I went through trials were because I did something to deserve these trials. That I won't see God's grace through trials because I haven't earned his grace. Yikes! This is a horrible teaching and it isn't what the Bible teaches at all. You get to the point you don't want to even try anymore because what's the point. 

Over the years I have been through a lot in my life. I have always seen God take care of me. I have been through a lot of crap in life. There is so much of my life that I have not shared on my blog. I have shared some of the crappy parts here. Growing up my parents didn't shelter us from the trials of life. Instead we all prayed about them as a family and tried to trust God. People can say well children shouldn't experience that stress. I can see that point. I have to say that experiencing the trials life threw at us as a family from a young age has helped me deal with trials as an adult. Some times trials happen because of bad decisions or because there aren't boundaries in place, but that does not mean God's grace isn't there for us!!!!!! Those are lessons you have to learn in life. 

I love the song Reckless Love by Cory Asbury. It really has spoke to me while we have been going through some rough times in life. Sometimes we need to just stop and let God love us. Let Him show us his grace! 

Reckless Love Lyrics

Before I spoke a word, You were singing over me

You have been so, so good to me

Before I took a breath, You breathed Your life in me

You have been so, so kind to me

Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God

Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine

I couldn't earn it, and I don't deserve it, still, You give Yourself away

Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, yeah

When I was Your foe, still Your love fought for me

You have been so, so good to me

When I felt no worth, You paid it all for me

You have been so, so kind to me

And oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God

Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine

And I couldn't earn it, and I don't deserve it, still, You give Yourself away

Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, yeah

There's no shadow You won't light up

Mountain You won't climb up

Coming after me

There's no wall You won't kick down

Lie You won't tear down

Coming after me

There's no shadow You won't light up

Mountain You won't climb up

Coming after me

There's no wall You won't kick down

Lie You won't tear down

Coming after me

There's no shadow You won't light up

Mountain You won't climb up

Coming after me

There's no wall You won't kick down

Lie You won't tear down

Coming after me

There's no shadow You won't light up

Mountain You won't climb up

Coming after me

There's no wall You won't kick down

Lie You won't tear down

Coming after me

Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God

Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine

And I couldn't earn it, I don't deserve it, still, You give Yourself away

Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, yeah

Songwriters: Caleb Culver / Cory Asbury / Ran Jackson

Miracle!

Last week I announced on social media that we are expecting a baby in July! We are so very excited! 

This baby is a true miracle and our rainbow baby. I haven't shared on my blog about wanting another child or our struggle. We had been told by numerous doctors G was a miracle and we probably never would be able to have another one. I went through a period of where I was grieving. It was a very difficult time for me. I feel I haven't been able to make very many choices when it comes to my health. They have all been made for me over the past 5 years. 

I am so very thankful for little G. He is seriously the brightest miracle in my life! 

I found out I was pregnant right before Thanksgiving. I honestly didn't have much hope this pregnancy would continue.  A lot was going on right then. I had my sister coming to visit. I was going with my mom to Mayo Clinic for some health issues. I just tried to continue with life and I would go to the doctor after to see what was going on with the pregnancy. I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant. I just didn't want people worrying or giving me their opinion on things. This one wasn't planned at all and was a surprise. Yes, Yes, I know where babies come from and how they can happen. lol  I am not going into the details of the 6+ months before, but there wasn't much hope. 

We waited awhile to tell family and even longer to tell our friends. 

G felt he had to tell everyone! He was with us at a doctor appointments when the doctor was talking about the baby and we could hear the heartbeat. G says momma open your mouf let me see that baby? He thinks the baby is the hangy thing in the back of your throat. lol

He then went to school and told everyone he was having a baby sister. He told the people at Sonic when we got our soda water he is having a baby sister. I had my friends little girl with me the day I picked up G from school, so his teachers thought that is who he was talking about. 

He has been so excited. He keeps asking hasn't the baby been in your belly long enough?

At night he will pat my belly. He said I need to pat the baby, so it won't cry and go to sleep. 

What will little Post be? Boy or Girl? We will find out later today!

Miracles

He put on a little show today while running errands with his screaming. A guy at Target commented he had strong lungs lol

When we came home he sat in his high chair laughing hysterical while I talked to him.  

I had a good life before G. Life after G is priceless! 

People couldn't understand why we kept trying to have a baby and why we would suffer through miscarriage after miscarriage without giving up. See that sleeping baby...I knew one day he would find us. In my heart I always believe we would get our miracle!