Selfish

I have been thinking about writing this blog post for awhile, but just haven't taken the time to put the words down. I feel selfish at times because I am glad I am the one with all the health issues. I don't really worry about my health that much. There are times I get concerned. I do worry after blood tests or scans as I wait for the results.  I do cry or get upset. I allow myself to have those moments then I move on. I have learned to let myself cry or feel hopeless. Usually it lasts no more than an hour and it is gone. Other than tests time I don't really worry about it. I just know I will be fine.

One day I was thinking I am so glad I have these ailments and not my husband, parents or sister. I would be worried sick if it was them. I feel bad at times because I know they worry. There are times I make a groan or say ouch. Art will usually turn to me immediately asking what is wrong. He wants details about what is wrong. Sometimes it is just simple things like I laid in the same spot to long and my body is sore. Everyone has those issues. 

My main problem is fatigue. I don't feel I have ever bounced back after surgery. I have been soooo tired for a year. I have had numerous issues which would cause fatigue. I am just not use to this. Prior to surgery I was working out 5 days a week, running around the office working like a crazy person, I would come home and do stuff. Well I feel all I can do is just a couple things a day. If it is a work day I go to work, make dinner, make lunches for the next day and lay on the couch. Forget anything else being done. Days off I will do laundry, clean a little and rest. It is frustrating to be this tired. I am 33 not 83. I am slowly learning to listen to my body. I have actually gone home from work early often. I have been working from  home as much as I can. 

Possibly the reason I don't worry so much about my health is because I just know God will take care of things. I told one of my doctors I don't plan to go anywhere and he will be dealing with me for another 50 years. He will retire long before I plan to die. I also think medicine is going to find some type of cure for my ailments.