Saturday, November 21, 2009

Excitement & Saddness

The past month has been filled with excitement and saddness. On October 27 I took a pregnancy test and it was positive!!! We were soooo excited! Our first appointment was on November 6. I had calculated everything and knew I should be 4-5 weeks at this point. At the dr appoinment the dr could only find a small sack about 1 cm. I felt in my gut at this point something wasn't right. The dr told us I wasn't as far along as I thought I was and he felt everything was on track.

On October 28 my Beta count was 808, November 6 Beta 8,000 and November 8 Beta 10,000. I was concerned because the number didn't double within 48 hours. The dr said to come back on Nov 30 and we should hear a heartbeat.

On November 19 I was at work. I went to the bathroom and noticed I was bleeding. I called the advice nurse, she set up a time for the dr to call me within 30 minutes. The dr called and said for me to come in at 1:30pm. I called Art at work crying because I knew I was in the process of a miscarriage. He said he would meet me at the house at 1pm and we could drive together. I left work and headed home.

We met with the dr for an ultrasound. The dr could only find an empty sack. My heart was so heavy! I had been so excited because finally my dream to be a mom was coming true. We had told our parents, Billy & Mandy, Lacey and Amber we were having a baby. Everyone was sooo excited. I knew these phone calls were going to be so hard. The grandma's were just bouncing off the walls with excitement. My poor mom and mother in law have taken this loss the hardest! I feel so bad for them.

We met with the dr in her office. She gave us 3 options on how to handle the miscarriage.
1. let nature take it's course and pass everything naturally
2. take some pills to pass everything within 24 hours
3. D&C

My first option was a D&C. They couldn't get me in until Tuesday. I really wanted this all to be over by Monday. I wanted to start the week fresh and enjoy our holiday weekend. I opted to take the pills. The dr explained that I would insert a few pills vaginally and in 24 hours everything should pass. She said you will experience some pain, so I am giving you vicaden and motrin 800. I asked her if I would even be awake to feel anything. She said if the pain gets too bad then you need to take another vicaden.

Last night at 9:30 I took the vicaden and motrin. At around 10pm I inserted the other pills. Midnight I woke up and felt like a mack truck had run over me! I have some pretty horrendous cramps from my monthly visitor, but this was about 10 times worse. It felt like someone was ripping my insides out. I hadn't ever experienced a pain like this! I took another vicaden to help with the pain. Shortly after I started throwing up. I threw up every hour until 7am. Nothing was taking the pain away. I couldn't sleep, lay down, stand up, nothing. The heating pad didn't help, took a bath nothing.

At around 4am I was able to doze off for a little while. Art had brought me a half of a motrin. That seemed to get the pain to subside a tiny bit. 7am I woke up grabbed the bucket and headed to the bathroom. That is when everything passed and my vomiting stopped. From 7am-9am I was able to sleep a little, but the pain was still horrendous. I was at the point of telling Art to take me to the hospital to get an IV with pain medication.

At 9am the last of everything passed and the pain went down to a dull cramping. Needless to say in 12 hours I went to hell and back. I can't believe that giving birth is more pain than what I experienced. I would NEVER recommend anyone to take the pills over a D&C.

It's over thank God!!!!! I am still taking some motrin, so I am a little drugged writing this blog. I have handled everything very well emotionally. I had prayed numerous times that if something was wrong that God would take the baby now and give me strength. Everything happens for a reason.

I have a wonderful husband who stood beside! He is my rock! I am not sure I could have done this without him. Hopefully 2010 will bring us another BFP!!!!


Stefanie K. said...

I'm so sorry for you loss and your pain - both emotionally and physically. I'm hoping you get your sticky baby BFP very soon. ((hugs))

Secret Sloper said...

I pray you get your happy, fat, sticky baby soon. I had my d&c on November 18, and I'm so sad and heartbroken. This experience has been one of (if not) the worst of my life. But something good has to wait for us on the other side, right?