Friday, November 29, 2013

Happy 33 Years to Me!!!!

Today I celebrate turning another year older. This birthday is completely different than the past 33. When I got to be about 28 I started to dread birthdays. I love my birthday, but it was the fact I was getting another year older. When I turned 30 I cried for weeks. The thought of being sooooo old was horrific to me. Then to top it off my grandma sent my aunt & cousin to decorate my yard.  One of the hardest thing to deal with is as I got older was another year older without a baby. Every year I wish the next birthday brings a baby. Each year comes without a baby. 

I still don't know how in the world I can be so old. I ask my dad occasionally if it bothers him I am so old. How in the world can my parents have such an old kid? They aren't much older than I am. I feel like I am a young kid until I hear rap music and wonder what is wrong with the kids these days & their music choices. Or I hear kids talking about the latest show on MTV. Oh boy I don't even know what MTV has on these days. Then there are the times I feel very young when I wear my grandma tshirts.  I love the reactions of other people. The double takes when I say this is my grandson. =)

This year is completely different. I am happy to be 33. In January I heard some of the hardest expectancy is about 60%. WHAT!!!! My life expectancy is 100% not 60%. How could someone say such ridiculous things to me. My world was turned upside down during the age of 32. Cancer changed my life. It took a toll on me for months. Chasing doctors around, feeling like garbage, a big red scar that wasn't healing right, my hormones were a ruckus, weight fluctuation, new spots on my lungs & liver, blood test after blood test, CT scans. I mean really how is this happening to me?  

Then I heard the words "your cancer is stable". While those words were very encouraging to my family & friends they were horrible for me to hear. I spent 2 days crying. I didn't want to hear "stable". I wanted to hear it is gone, you have no sign of cancer left in your body....however, I won't ever hear those words. I didn't have time to be in a pity party for very long because my feet started going numb. Then I was diagnosed with TM and possibly MS. This is going to sound insane, but I think this could have been one of the best blessings. It snapped me out of my pity party and I honestly was SO happy to think my cancer is "stable". 

Health wise age 32 was a ruckus. I learned so much during this year. The Bible became real to me, felt God grace, prayer really works and I have learned I am even tougher than I thought. I haven't ever been a patient person. As a cancer patient you have to learn patience rather quickly as you wait for CT scan results, blood tests, and on doctors who are on their own time schedule. I also learned God has other plans when you plan out of all 2013. A year older and gray hair aren't really that scary to me anymore...wait a minute who am I kidding gray hair is still terrifying to me! Stay away grays! lol

Today I celebrate 33 years of life and I plan to celebrate at least another 56 years! 


ohgraciepie said...

I am so glad your health is better now Becky! I am sorry this last year was so tough, but it sounds like you still found a silver lining and discovered a few things that will forever change your life! Happy Birthday!!!