Friday, April 15, 2016

Change in Careers

I am not a big crier. It takes a lot for me to cry. One thing that makes me cry every time is reading Rory's blog This Life I Live. Usually I'm sobbing. I can relate so much to how Joey felt about not wanting to leave her little girl. 

Cancer is such a ugly thing. It takes people way too early. I didn't really worry about dying before I had G. I knew my friends and family would be sad if some thing happened. Having a child as you battle cancer is a whole other story. I'm not afraid of much. I don't like the dark and I get scared going into dark rooms. I'm terrified of dying and leaving my child. The pain he will go through and the sadness he will face tears me up. 

I've made some big decisions lately because of Joey. I have one life to live and I need to give my all to my husband and son. I could careless about a career. I've worked very hard to make it where I am in my career. Sometimes I think the things I was able to accomplish over the past year was God saying here you go I'm helping you accomplish these things, so you can walk away and be proud.

The weekend that Joey passed away helped me make a huge decision. That weekend I made a final decision I no longer was going to work. My life may be short, but I am not going to give myself to a job instead I am going to give myself to my family. Enjoying my moments left in this life. It has been one of the best decisions I have made for all of us. Within a few days I felt like a HUGE burden was lifted off me. There are times I have to remind myself I am not on vacation and I won't have to return to work. 

I have spent a lot of my life planning for the future and wishing for future events. Now I am enjoying the here and now. I will sit on our patio watching George spill bubbled all over the place. This is the moment in life where I use to dream of and hope for.