Life After Cancer

Recently I was reading through old blog posts from my surgery and recovery. The old blog posts have been therapeutic in a way. I honestly thought I would bounce back and be back to normal within 2 weeks a month at the max. Someone told me it took her a year to get her thyroid regulated. I thought that is crazy it took her a year to get her thyroid regulate, but I won't take that long. I bet a couple months and I will be just fine. Ha! Boy was I in for a rude awakening. 

The past month has been super tough! Emotionally, physically and everything else in between has been tough. I am tired, cranky, emotional, hungry, shaky, ugh you name it I am that right now. I wonder some days how I am going to make it through a work day. I started working out, eating healthy, but nothing is helping. My thyroid is super out of whack and the doctors are very much aware of it. They are trying to regulate my thyroid meds and finding a balance.

I think the emotional part of cancer has been the toughest part. When I first heard I had cancer I thought it was "just thyroid cancer". Then I found out after surgery it was Medullary Thyroid Cancer which is very rare. The more research I have done the more I am like WHAT!!!! How is this possible I have this rare cancer? I wasn't that worried about going through surgery for papillary thyroid cancer. I thought surgery and radio active iodine would fix everything. Well that is not what I ended up with and I am trying to adjust. 

My surgeon told me at my doctor appointment in March to get back to normal life. What is normal life now? How do I find a new normal? Trying to get back to normal life has been hard because I am not the same person I was physically or emotionally prior to surgery. What is my "normal life" now? How do I manage my health, find the right doctors, do research to find the best care for myself, educate myself and family, work a job, make healthy meals and avoid chocolate? The avoiding chocolate is just a ummm no can't do that at this time. 

I received some great advice through this from fellow MTC and my pastor. One of my fellow MTC friends said I need to stop focusing on trying to lose weight and get back to my old self. I need to give myself time to heal, time for my lymphatic system to get back together, for my hormones to get straightened out and find my new "center".  I text my pastor one day when I felt like I was just falling apart. He called me with his wife and encouraged me. It was a quick phone call, but it was so helpful. He talked to me about Joseph and told me to read Psalms 27:14. I laughed when he said read Psalms 27:14 because my whole family memorized Psalms 27 growing up.

I am not one to ask for help or say I can't do something. I am strong, try to take on the World, don't like to delegate or cry. Welllllll I don't feel very strong right now, I can barely take on my work load, I've been delegating like crazy and I cry almost daily. One thing I still do is I pick up the pieces and get going again. I told one of my friends miscarriages are rough, but they are a piece of cake compared to cancer. After 8 miscarriages I know how to go through them, how to pick up the pieces and move on. Cancer it hard to figure out which pieces to pick up and how do you really move on?

Just because you survive cancer and get a clean bill of health doesn't mean it's all over. I have a whole new understanding for what people go through emotionally. Maybe through all this I am learning how to relate to a whole new group of people.